She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
