They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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