girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
