I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
