I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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