Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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