My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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