i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
