uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
