Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
