He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
