i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
