It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
