i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
