btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
