Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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