mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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