Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
