she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
