Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry my hands just texted you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
