I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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