I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
