I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
