every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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