Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
