i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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