we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
