Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
