I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
