Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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