Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
