"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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