Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
