I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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