He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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