The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
