im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
