She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
