we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
