hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
