Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
