Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
where does the pee come out of this thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
