Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
