I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
