oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
