I've blown a few things in my day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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