Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
