everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
