I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
