The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
