Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
