my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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