Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Randomize
