I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
